I know my brain isn't working lately. My thought speed is slower than the time taken for a faeces to get out from my butt when I constipate. And then there's also a lot of soon-to-be-post blogpost. Guess it's hard for me to put my me a HEADACHE.

Last friday I was able to hold my temper when I was having a discussion with my classmates. Okay, here's the story, my English lecturer divide us into groups to do our 1500 words research paper (silly isn't it? I'd rather do it alone myself. Not to say I LOVE doing things alone, but yea, I think that essay WRITING or whatever writing are always mend to be personal point of view & effort, not GROUP work. I really don't see the point. =-=) So yea, my group was having a headache whether to choose

Okay, I told two of my teammates that I preferred the 1st topic. and a girl (one of my teammates) said she preferred the 2nd one, the guy, well he said anything works fine with him. So I kept telling this girl that there's a lot we can write about google, and i don't think she really takes my suggestions seriously. All she said was : I think the 2nd topic is better. You see we can get resources from library, the economics books and etc etc."

and then we keep discussing which one to choose on, and then finally she said :"IDK it's up to you guys i guess." and then A few minutes later, she talks about how to find resources for the 2nd topic etc etc. (trying to convince the only teammate to agree with her I guess so that i will become the odd number) =-=. Which maDe me really unhappy.

I told her that we can search for the marketing strategies/advantages of GOOGLE company and from there we can think of the points that has make google the main search engine in the world. So well, she keep repeating all her "facts" about the 2nd topic. I don't wanna sound like I am demanding on the 1st topic. So i told them that I'm also fine with the poverty gap topic.

and guess what she answered?

Urg you get what I mean? I really hope tomorrow really turns out well. REALLY.

I'm praying really hard. Urg! this really makes me miss Ace-Ed so much. And now I really thank Teacher.Anne for implanting all those ideas, and creativeness in us, In me. If not, I will be the one who say : why not just take Malaysia.

okay. im tired. it's 2am now. Chao.

crossed fingers for tomorrow

and Oww, I really hope that I can increase my social network tomorrow by 1% :).

Kamshamida.

Aja Aja Fighting!!!

I cant believe I actually blogged like twice a day. I'm sorry but yea, I need to find a way to express. facebook is just way too public. I don't know where to begin my assignments.

no im not looking at the bright side. no im not fine at all. Please. the sky, the wind, the light, the sun, guide me. bring me far away from the sorrow-ness, bring me far away from the stress I have to face, bring me far away from those noises.

Hey World.

I am in a relationship with my thoughts today. Im undergoing some stupid desperado feeling.

It's like, im desperate for something. I dunno why am I like that but yea, imma gonna BE RATIONAL! (if you get wat I mean).

Suddenly, I realize that I am irrational sometimes, BUT also, rational in some ways. I don't know how to describe it into words but yea, sometimes, there's this irrational part of me, wanting me to do something outrages, something extreme and something bad. (BAD, not as in very bad like smoking, have a fight with some gangster, or taking drugs.) Bad as in, bad for myself, and probably, if my parents or friends finds out, they will go like "wat are you thinking eesuen??". Yessh, that kind of bad.

And when I let my thoughts flow, and that irrational part of me just pop out in my thoughts, the RATIONAL part of me will reappear, to avoid me to do something I'll regret forever. and MIND YOU, Im not having some Schizophrenia disease or mentally disorder. It's just something I discover in myself.

So yea, that's just little part of myself. Haha! Guess I have to face the reality again. Urrg. No one return my IC back to me YET. and Im pissed at that feller today. How can that theif, just take away my IC like that? It's not like it is useful to him right? Don't he have one? Can he like, just return that IC to me? Kay, Im not gonna nag. It's all my fault. If I wasnt that NOOB, I wont even lost my purse.

My to-do list for next week.

College is hectic. The assignments, tests, quiz, and presentation keep on flowing towards us like a waterfall.

Okay. I have to train myself to handle this kinda stress :D.

It's all about balancing. =\. Balance up my study time and play time.

But lately, I dunno why, something keeps on bothering me. I think it's about my self progress or something. I hate myself when I talk bout it. Cause I feel so useless, discouraging and disappointed in myself.

I want to do something useful. useful to myself, to my family, and to the society. Gosh. I just dunno wat to do. I felt like an useless freak. ==

even my piano teacher said : "where is that very geng punya eesuen?" where?? I also cannot find. Something inside me is missing. Confident? IDK.

Rotten. you know. I am rotting. I can feel it. Ass. how to click that "on" button to start progressing myself??

TEACH ME.

tuning to : Glee Cast - Defying Gravity.